You Are Not Special

Yes, it’s true. Despite what your mother and father have been telling you your whole life, you’re actually not very special at all. If you didn’t know this yet, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Perhaps when we find out that Santa Claus isn’t real we should also be presented with the crushing reality that the things that make us “special” also aren’t real, but that might be too hard to take for a 7-year-old. I suppose it’s better to grow up and figure this out for ourselves than to have our parents, who are some of the only people in the whole world who truly believe we are each incredibly special little snowflakes, tell us that we are not in fact special at all.

You may be wondering why I am so pessimistic. Why so bitter? Ugh, you are 21 years old! For the love of God can you relax and at least pretend to be excited about this opportunistic phase of your life? Well first of all, no. And secondly, I’m actually on the brink of 22 so I obviously can’t relax and be excited about my future. How dare you assume I am still so young and vibrant and full of potential. And third of all, what is there to be excited about? Paying off my student debt? Trying to find a job that I don’t despise and eventually make a mediocre salary to live a mediocre life on an either depressingly gloomy island or in a city so cold that my face physically hurts when I leave the house? Which raises the real question here: Is Turks and Caicos going to join Canada or NOT, because my quality of life is really depending on it and I need answers.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m sort of a pessimistic brat. I think this is just a phase, but I really don’t know anymore! I also didn’t know what to do with these negative feelings so I thought it would be best to write them out and share them with the world (aka my small tribe of followers that is almost entirely made up of Mosers), just in case your life was going too well and you were feeling too optimistic and needed to be brought down to the level of a struggling university student with crippling anxiety! (Side note: do any of you others Mosers feel like Apple is personally attacking you when your phone tries to autocorrect Moser to loser? Ouch. Maybe that’s why I’m such a negative Nancy… According to probably the largest technology corporation in the world, my last name should be Loser.)

Now back to the point. I do realize that I AM special to my parents strictly because they created me and because my mother endured the insufferable miracle that is childbirth to bring my wonderful self into this world, so naturally they think I’m pretty great and special and a bundle of joy and what not. And I’m sure when/if (I’m in a phase where I kind of hate kids, are you surprised?) I have children of my own, I will think the same of them simply because they are my own offspring, but that does not mean that they are actually special. In fact, that very logic only reinforces the idea that no one is truly special because if we were ALL special then none of us would truly be special at all.

But to put a more optimistic twist on things (bet you didn’t see that one coming), I suppose the fact that no one is special is kind of a good thing. I may not be special, but neither is anyone else! So in a strange, somehow positive way, we are all just meh and no one is more special than the other and no one is NOT special because no one IS special. So if you didn’t grow up being told you were special, do not fret! You still aren’t, but no one is so it’s fine! Yay!

Well that’s my spiel for the day. Really, I’ve just been sitting in the library avoiding my homework for the last two hours writing this stupid post instead… Now I’m wondering why I am even in the library? What a waste of time. Man, why is it so much more exciting to write depressing blog posts about my insignificant life than to read French plays from the 17th century?? Oh, right. Who the heck gives a flying flamingo about French plays from the 17th century?!?! Not this girl. It’s essentially like reading Shakespeare but in French. I don’t even understand Shakespeare in English let alone in a language I am barely fluent in. You know what’s worse than that?? (Bet you thought it couldn’t get any worse) This glorious French class that I love so much includes “fun” “get to know each other” activities of performing improv in class. In French! French improv! If I wanted to do improv I would’ve joined an acting class. And it most definitely wouldn’t be in French. AND I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR AN ACTING CLASS!

Well now I’m just rambling on and spreading my bitterness. Life isn’t so bad. I have a roof over my head (…actually our roof is getting redone right now and I have been rudely woken up by absurdly loud banging sounds the past few mornings, but I’m trying to be positive here), I have food on my plate, I have the freedom to choose what foods I want on said plate and to live a vegan lifestyle, which I am very passionate about! I have a loving family that thinks I’m special, although we have all established that I’m not, and a small handful of other humans not related to me who are also pretty OK friends. And I have an awesome, loving boyfriend! More than that, I am grateful that I still have a couple years, give or take, before I actually graduate and decide what to do with this handy dandy and super valuable English/French degree I’m slaving away for, which is great because unlike most people, I’m actually trying to avoid graduation at all costs so as to not be thrown into the professional world with no sense of direction.

All in all, I try to remind myself every morning just how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to go to university, even when my heart says “school sucks!” and my brain says “don’t go!” but my subconscious inability to listen to neither my heart nor my head thankfully forces me to get up and go. So while this post makes me seem like a TOTAL brat, or “ingrat” (ungrateful) as my arch nemesis Molière would say, I promise I am trying to stay positive and look at all the good rather than the bad… Contrary to what this entire post has been about. I think I just really needed to get all this negative energy out of my system! Could it be that I am now cleansed of my pessimism?! Let us bask in our normality, reject the idea that we are special, and move on with life.

Well I don’t even know what this was all about and things took a turn I was not anticipating but it feels GREAT that I just spent my entire break ignoring all the work I urgently need to have done. Oops I did it again! I’ll talk to y’all in another year, or whenever I need to procrastinate my work really badly again, which will probably be sooner rather than later. Stay tuned!

Adios!