Yesterday marked the first time I have ever been truly, painfully, potentially-on-my-death-bed sick since moving away for school and not having my mom to take care of me. It was awful. It was the worst kind of sick too; the kind where my whole head, including my neck, ears, and sinuses, were aching and swallowing my saliva felt more like swallowing a pile of bricks. And on top of that my body was on fire, and then freezing cold, and then on fire again. And then my eye sockets would start to ache and what I believe is my occipital lobe (thank you psych 100) was incessantly throbbing. I looked up my symptoms, as any hypochondriac would, and found that I was either going blind or had contracted West Nile disease. Considering the terrible pain in my eye sockets and occipital lobe, which is the lobe associated with vision, (yeah I know my psych 100 pretty well) I was almost 100% certain I was going blind. Every now and then, I would open my eyes from my on-and-off slumber and the corners of my vision were dark and fuzzy and I thought ‘well, this is it. I’m going blind. I’m never going to see a blue sky again.’ (it had already been like 3 whole days since I saw a blue sky, curse this dark gloomy island, so this was extra depressing for me) I imagined what it would be like to be blind and it almost made me cry. OK, it did make me cry, but I’m a crier so rest assured that this is totally normal for me. I repeated over and over in my head that I would rather die than go blind, hoping that any god out there deciding my fate would at least consider my wishes before determining what would become of me. Thankfully, I didn’t lose my vision or my life that day. I’m so good at taking care of myself!
Anyway, the point of all this is to say that I survived my first major sick day as a (somewhat) grown adult without a mother to come to the rescue. Thankfully one of my kind roommates, Gabby, brought me tea and cold medicine and later on Michael brought me a Booster Juice smoothie, so I wasn’t completely alone, but there is just something strange about being sick for the first time as a real grown up who can’t rely on her momma to be at her bedside in such a time of need. I missed you extra yesterday, my dear mother. But I am now a stronger, more grown up human because of it! (Lol)
As this is my first year living away from home, I’d like to think I’ve gained some level of independence. I mean heck, I walked to the grocery store by MYSELF today, spent my own money on some nutritious foods that are necessary to my survival, and walked home carrying a way too heavy bag that made me walk sideways and wonder why I thought I could cram all $50 worth of groceries into one reusable bag. At least I am a responsible, environmentally conscious individual who brings a cloth bag to the grocery store (although I definitely should have brought more than 1). This is besides the point.
Honestly, I just feel most independent when I actually walk or bus somewhere myself and am not relying on someone with a car to get me from A to B, hence why I shared my grocery shopping occasion which probably seems like a totally normal, everyday kind of thing. I’ve never considered myself to be an overly independent person, so it’s these little things that make me feel like I’m learning how to take care of myself and be a real, mature, grown up human being! I’m still very very far from that though. I still wish my parents paid for my groceries, let me use their car and the SpeedPass along with it (aka free gas for me), and were here to take care of me when I feel like I’m on my death bed, but we all have to grow up sometime and become independent, and with all these little (ever so little) steps, I will get there one day!
In becoming more independent, I also become that much more appreciative for everything my parents have done for me, and still do for me from a thousand miles away! Parents are the best, and I’m so lucky to have the ones that I do. Now, I have to go pay my rent. Ugh, just adult things, am I right?! Yay for independence!
A Stronger, Better, and Super Duper Independent Tal