Updated: May 12, 2020
Greetings, friends of the Internet! I am writing to you today not from my phone on a crowded bus or train, nor from the comfort of my safe and cozy bed, but rather from a big girl office in a big girl chair on a BIG SCREEN desktop. Yes, that’s right: I am officially a professional blogger. I’ve made it! Or at least we can pretend. Considering that I am being paid right now to sit here and write this post, I’d like to think that kind of sort of makes me a professional blogger. Right? Right.
So here I am at my “big girl job”. I am the most unnecessary, unuseful (that is not a word but it needs to become one so I can accurately describe my new role in this world) person in this whole building! My technical title is “Floor Associate”, which essentially means I bring coffee and water to the (few) clients that come in for meetings, I send some e-mails regarding very important things like needing more green tea sachets or running low on milk and cream, and I load and unload a dishwasher about three times a day. You’re probably wondering what this corporation would do without me. How could any of the people with real jobs on this floor survive without my contributions to the workplace? Honestly, I ask myself the same question every day.
My days here are long and drawn out and painfully boring. Other than the vital tasks previously mentioned, I also deliver mail to clients, accept packages and then deliver them to said clients, sometimes make a photocopy or two, and book boardrooms as necessary. It is not rocket science. (Obviously. I am not a scientist, why would I be doing rocket science?) It is not even remotely close to challenging, inspiring, or exciting. But it is a job and I make money and I have something to do all day (if you can call this having something to do) and I get to work downtown like a grown adult and wear work clothes like a business woman. OK, that last part is truly the only thing that excites me about this job. I get to wear blazers! I get to go shopping for dress pants! Wow! That aspect of it is a dream come true, believe it or not. I maybe even overdress for the part but heck, I don’t care! If I’m commuting downtown everyday with all of the actually important people, then I might as well try to make myself look just as valuable and successful. As far as anyone on the train is concerned, I’m a young professional working as a marketing director for a super trendy skincare company. Or a boring, but highly indispensable financial advisor at a busy downtown bank. Or whatever. Either way, I want people to think I’m important when they see me on my trek to work because no one needs to know I’m actually just an office bitch whose job requires little to no intelligence and could be done by an ape.
So yes, here I am once again valuing the aesthetic and superficial aspects of a job more than the job itself. But at this phase of my life, I think that is the only way I will get by. I’m thankful to have a job and I’m extra thankful that it’s my first grown-up, Monday to Friday, no evenings or weekends, real person job. That in itself is exhilarating. The work, however, is the complete opposite of exhilarating. It is dull. It is so painfully dull. But hey, I am making money and working normal, steady hours. I shall complain no more.
On the bright side, I am now sitting at a desktop computer writing a BLOG POST! Do you have any idea how thrilling this is for me?! I wasn’t lying when I said I feel like a professional blogger. So maybe I get interrupted every, I don’t know, 30 minutes or so for some insignificant issue that I probably won’t even deal with on my own and will have to call someone else to sort out because I’m just a temporary replacement that doesn’t have any real responsibilities. Now that I think of it, I guess this is kind of what I wanted… Remember when I said a few blogs back how terrified I was of ever having a real job where people relied on me to do real things? Well, here I am with absolutely no responsibilities, and yet I’m dying of boredom rather than relishing in the lack of stress. Be careful what you wish for, people. You just might get it.
Which reminds me, the Law of Attraction is, I think, very real. You really do get what you give. You get what you hope for. You get what you put out into the world. So be wise about the type of things you want to attract into your life. Could this all just be a load of bologna? Absolutely. Just some hippy dippy shit to make us feel like we have any sort of power over the events of our lives? Highly possible. Do I believe it anyway? Darn right I do.
So there you have it. My first post as a professional blogger. What a time to be alive! I may start taking an online class so I can also get paid to further my education and make my workload in my final semester of classes just a little lighter. Can we believe graduation is actually in the foreseeable future? I sure can’t. I’m equally as eager to start on whatever career path I land on as I am terrified. Actually, that’s not true… It is not equal. I am definitely, definitely more terrified than eager. But hey, I’ve got the Law of Attraction to rely on, so I’m good… Let me enjoy my spiritual beliefs in peace. Just be thankful I’m not becoming a Jehovah’s witness or joining a cult. Although the latter option does sometimes seem very intriguing to me. But don’t worry, I’m not planning on joining a cult any time soon… The right one simply hasn’t come along yet! Maybe I’ll manifest it into my life. Or better yet, I could start my own. Ah, the options are endless! I’ll just keep “visualizing” and “attracting” the things I want and go from there.
If anyone needs a coffee or a water, I’ll be here. This is apparently all I am capable of doing after 4 years of university and 23 years of being alive.
Cheers and TGIF! I have never felt TGIF more in my whole entire life than I do in this moment. THANK FREAKIN GOD IT’S FREAKIN FRIDAY Y’ALL. (TFGIFF.)