First week chronicles & life update

Well hello there, we meet again!

After my exciting travels of 2016, I didn’t find much to blog about as I took on a more more mundane, boring university student life back home. It was not my best year, nor was it my worst year, just (painfully) average and underwhelming, I suppose. I went to study at the University of Calgary, the city I’ve called home for three quarters of my 20 years of life, and quite frankly it sucked. I did well, I got the grades I wanted, yada yada, but did I actually ENJOY myself for one second while aimlessly wandering around campus alone between classes day in and day out? Heck no! I had very few friends there, as pathetic as it sounds, and my life started to feel like a never-ending pit of loneliness. I’m a little bit exaggerative, yes, my life could have been far worse, certainly, but at the time it felt like some of the most unfulfilling days of my life. Honestly, there was a time that I sat outside on a bench in roughly 6 degree weather, with snow actually still on the ground, to eat my lunch because I couldn’t find a spot to sit inside (especially hard to do when you have no friends) and did not feel up to sitting in the busy cafeteria all by myself. It was at that moment that I really realized, hey, maybe this is rock bottom! And I was actually surprisingly happy about that realization because you know what they say! You can only go up from there!

Okay, I’m done being overly dramatic. The year wasn’t as awful as I make it seem. But it just wasn’t a great time. Moving on! I spent the summer working full time at a golf course in the snack shack (ha, snack shack sounds so lame, I prefer to call it the halfway house) and I made pretty good money there with all the tips that come along with serving rich men and women all the beer and food they want. On many occasions, I was tempted to ask them what on earth they did to have so much money that they could not only afford an extremely pricy membership at a private golf club, but to also be able to come into the halfway house every dang day and order a stupid amount of beer and liquor. Of course, I kept those questions to myself and simply dreamed of a day when I could afford such luxuries (although a golf club membership and copious amounts of beer isn’t exactly my idea of luxury). It also really sucks when you’re struck with the reality that for the vast majority of us, we will never live a life where money ain’t no thang and those luxuries become a normality. I am always wracking my brain trying to think of absolutely anything that could bring me the success I need in order to have a beautiful seaside home and my dream kitchen, but until I come up with a brand new, revolutionary idea, I’ll just have to settle with being the beer girl behind the counter. Although my “home” board on Pinterest is exploding with visions of dream kitchens and I will truly, deeply be disappointed if I am on my death bed and can’t say I got to bring my dream kitchen to life.

And this brings us up to right now; summer just slipping out of view, the new school year beginning. You might be wondering why on earth I went back after describing my first year of school as a “never-ending pit of loneliness,” but thankfully I was able to transfer to a university where I would be surrounded by two of my closest cousins, my wonderful boyfriend, and most importantly (sorry guys), the ocean. Ah, finally reunited with my first true love! I’ve always dreamed of living by the sea and although I’m still a 10 minute drive away from the nearest bay, which is actually pretty close, it just feels good to know that I’m no longer landlocked and incapable of satisfying my ocean cravings! I’ve been here for just over a week now and I really do love it. I absolutely miss my family, my dog, and my few true friends that are sprinkled across Canada at their own universities, but the change of scenery has been lovely for me. I am very very happy here, that is, of course, until the voice in my head kicks in and reminds me of my severe anxiety for the future and the fact that I’m going into my second year with still no clue what I’m going to do with my life. Oh to be young and terrifyingly unsure of your direction in life! What a dream!! I love spending thousands and thousands of my hard earned dollars, as well as thousands and thousands of precious loans from the government that I’m just dreaming of paying off one day, all for a degree in god knows what! It’s truly exhilarating watching my bank account dwindle for books and tuition for courses that may not even work towards whatever degree I end up getting since I think about changing my major every other day!

Other than the anxiety and fear for the future that follows me around every day, I actually am quite content. I love living here, I love the people that I have surrounding me, and  I love the campus. Although I don’t really enjoy my classes. Which maybe isn’t such a great thing, especially when so many people around me really do seem to like what they’re studying and I’m starting to feel like maybe disliking your classes isn’t as normal as I thought it was. I am taking 3 French classes, an English class, and a sociology class this semester. Technically, I’m studying English and French as my major and minor (still undeclared though) yet OF COURSE my favourite class BY FAR is sociology. I thought about being a sociology major but I know nothing about it as this is my first time taking a class in the subject and let’s be real, what the heck do you do with a sociology degree?!?! (Actually I looked this up and apparently there are lots of things you can do with a sociology degree but I still don’t understand the world and how your degree really doesn’t matter that much sometimes but actually it kind of matters a lot sometimes and I’m just really confused)

As I write this, I am in way too deep with my procrastination. I really am starting to hate myself. It’s 7:30 pm and I’ve been sitting here doing anything BUT what I should be doing for a solid 2 hours. I thought, ‘hey, I like writing! It’s fun to write about my unfortunate life! I’m going to write a blog post instead of doing the readings I have to finish for tomorrow! I could totally get a head start on that English project, but nah, that blog I haven’t updated in over a year? Yeah, I really really need to put up a post. My followers must be worried sick!’

It’s with a heavy heart that I end this post. I really really don’t want to read Molière. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my first week, it’s that French literature is not my jam. It seems nothing is my jam. I am a jam-less, hopeless human. If I don’t find this “jam” of mine by the end of my second year then there’s a very good chance I will sell all of my belongings and move to a remote island and bum it out for the rest of my life.

Forever confused,

Tal (who no longer travels)